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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29964279">Ellipsism</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinatedmoo/pseuds/caffeinatedmoo'>caffeinatedmoo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>emblem of eternity [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, M/M, Magical Realism, Soft Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Truth Spells</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:21:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,058</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29964279</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinatedmoo/pseuds/caffeinatedmoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <i>"How am I supposed to go on with the rest of our lives, knowing that I will lose you someday", Magnus asks, exasperated. His tear-stained face and red, hollow eyes bore into Alec's desperately.</i>
  </p>
  <p>
    <i>"Oh Magnus", Alec sighs, softly cupping Magnus's face. "There isn't any shame in holding onto grief. But you're one of the strongest people I know, and you will continue on your journey. For the both of us."</i>
  </p>
</blockquote>Sometimes, being under a truth spell just means not being to lie about being fine anymore.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>emblem of eternity [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2213103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ellipsism</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Saw the prompt. Was reminded of Malec. Got weirdly excited at 2 AM. Gave birth to this fic. Enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus falters into the loft, sighing softly as the rush of warm air eases his frozen fingertips and eyelids. He thinks, not the first time, <em> thank god for mundane heaters</em>. Soft golden lights illuminate the large space and plush sofas with warm tones make up for a cozy night in. The balcony doors are left open, and there is a soft breeze winding through the curtains, making them dance in its wake. <em> Alec must be home</em>, he thinks, smiling to himself.</p><p>Magnus has always loved his home, but something about having to share it with the one he loves makes him feel satiated. Alec is the final touch, the one he’d been longing for. Outside, nighttime has fallen upon the sky, and the skyline burns ever-so bright.</p><p>He slowly makes his way to the apothecary, attempting to pull himself together before—</p><p>“Magnus?”</p><p>Magnus grimaces slightly, before slowly turning around, protectively holding his arms around his torso. He turns to find Alec, dressed in sweatpants and a rugged sweater, looking at him curiously. His hair is messier than usual, and he’s got little bags under his eyes, clear signs of his sleep deprivation. “Hey darling”, Magnus says softly.</p><p>“When did you get home? I tried calling, but I figured you’d be busy when you didn’t answer”, Alec says, smoothly walking up to him. He seems to be a little more awake now, clearly sensing Magnus’s tautness. He wraps his arms around Magnus tightly, pulling him stark against his body, the two now share each other’s heat. “What happened?” he asks softly.</p><p>“It’s not that important”, Magnus mumbles into his neck. “I got a call earlier this afternoon from one of my underlings. Apparently, there was a slight misunderstanding at Hadrian’s meeting today. Some of them got a little violent and he called me for help.”</p><p>His words make Alec stiffen slightly, but neither chooses to address it. Instead, he asks, “are you okay? Did anybody hurt you?”</p><p>Magnus deliberately chooses not to answer the first question. “I- Nobody hurt me, Alexander. By the time I got there, things were better, but Valerie Fernsby was a little concerned about the security of the warlocks in Queens. Particularly after last week’s quarrel, she didn’t want any Shadowhunters messing with her business. So she asked me a few questions.”</p><p>Alec knew who Valerie was. The new high warlock of Queens. She was a quick-witted young woman, who had immediately made a name for herself in the New York downworld. Alec had chosen to arrange meetings with her to discuss their local protocol but got a rebuttal instead. Turns out, Valerie didn’t have the greatest experience with Shadowhunters. A few years ago, her vampire lover was killed by Circle members, and she chose to hold it against the rest of them. Magnus had tried reassuring her that the New York Institute operated differently, but there was only so much persuading one could do.</p><p>They were now constantly at odds with each other.</p><p>Alec sat the two of them down on the living room couch and went to fetch Magnus a cold glass of water. When he returned, he found Magnus with his hands in the lap, fiddling with the rings and constantly tapping his foot against the floor, all clear signs of his distress.</p><p>“Magnus, are you okay?”</p><p>Magnus continued to fiddle, hesitant to answer the question. That only seemed to unnerve Alec more. “Magnus”, he said sternly. When the warlock wouldn’t answer, he sat next to him, taking Magnus’s shaking hands into his and softly kissing his knuckles. “Magnus, I need you to answer me. Did someone do something to you? Are you okay?”</p><p>“No”, came the whispered reply.</p><p>“Okay, do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”</p><p>“I had a truth potion”, he says immediately. He, of course, regrets it as soon as Alec tenses up even further, tipping Magnus’s head up so they’re looking at each other. “What do you mean, did someone force you to have it?”</p><p>“Not exactly. More like tricked.”</p><p>Alec said nothing, a silent request for Magnus to go on.</p><p>“Valerie has always been afraid that her leadership will be overthrown due to her less than inclined attitude to work <em>with </em>the Shadowhunters, instead of going <em>against </em>them. She thought the New York Institute was plotting against her and decided to call upon me to answer some of her questions. Some old warlock with a grudge apparently gave her a ‘secret tip’ that Alec Lightwood was planning to send her to the gard on wrongful charges.”</p><p>“So she just made you drink this? That’s against the accords. You should have called me!”</p><p>“I would have, if not for the already tense state there. It would have made things exponentially worse Alexander.”</p><p>Even though Alec didn’t want to admit it out loud, they both knew Magnus was right. Valerie’s mind had been corrupted due to years of bigotry on the part of the Shadowhunters. She now chose to work in fear rather than cooperation. Magnus, with his perseverance and pensive thinking, was probably the most adequate person to convince Valerie of the mutually beneficial relationship she could have with the Clave. But years of prejudice don’t just disappear with a few conversations. Alec never thought she’d take such a huge step, though.</p><p>“So what happened?”</p><p>“Well, Hadrian called me for help, but it was all a sham. He was working with her all along. She’d convinced him that Nephilim were never going to get off their high horse and that it was high time they had answers. So he deceived me and made sure that I got there, somehow.”</p><p>“Did they hurt you in any way?”</p><p>“No, they pretended that everything was okay. But Hadrian offered me a drink”, Magnus scoffed, “and who am I to ever turn down alcohol? Little did I know, it was spiked with a powerful truth serum Valerie had brewed.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“She asked me a couple of questions afterward, pertaining mostly to the safety of her warlocks. I, of course, had no choice but to answer honestly. My answers were the same, which she would have known if she had just trusted me”, he mumbled bitterly.</p><p>Alec was quiet for a while after Magnus finished, deep in his thoughts with a tense look on his face. His jaw was set stubbornly and his eyebrows were scrunched up. Magnus knew this look well. It was his ‘<em> I can’t believe someone messed with the head of the institute’ </em> look.</p><p>“Alexander, darling. I assure you, no one hurt me.”</p><p>“I would believe you, but you’ve become clever at diverting your answers. You’re not okay Magnus.”</p><p>“It’s not important—”</p><p>“Yes, it is! I know you well enough to know that something is wrong.  I don’t understand why you can’t just be honest with me.”</p><p>Magnus hesitated, subconsciously closing in on himself. “She just said some things that made me upset”, he admitted somberly.</p><p>“Magnus, I’m not going to ask you to talk about it if it’s making you uncomfortable. But please don’t expect me to not care. I want you to be honest with me. What did she say to you?”</p><p>Magnus knew he should just deny having said anything at all. He should get up, making himself look presentable again, and put on the facade that masks him. But instead, he choked out a sob, feeling his dry eyes water up.</p><p>Alec pulled Magnus in again, protectively cradling his head. “You don’t have to be okay all the time”, he whispered against Magnus’s temple.</p><p>“She said… that there’s no future where we could be happy together. She said not to waste my time with a Nephilim. Normally, I wouldn’t care. But… I guess it just reminded me that we don’t have much longer left together.”</p><p>There are days when immortality catches up to Magnus again. In the past, before Alec, it was easier to forget. To drown himself in the alcohol, the debauchery, claiming that was all a trivial distraction. But now, he has something, <em> someone</em>, that he’s going to leave behind. And that thought, just can’t seem to leave him alone.</p><p>There aren’t any explicit reminders or triggers that set him off. It usually catches him off guard. Small, meaningless, ordinary tendencies and tasks reignite the feeling of hopelessness and lamenting in him. Alec smiling up at him when rays of sunlight pour into their bedroom. Alec, kissing his bare shoulder softly after coming home from the institute. Alec cooking a homely dinner when he seldom takes a day off. Alec sneaking in through the fire-escape in the wee hours of the morning from patrol. But it’s <em>always </em> Alec. </p><p>Valerie’s words, although they may come from a place of spite, serve as the worst sort of reminder. Magnus helplessly ruminates over it.</p><p>The truth potion doesn’t make it any better either. He tells Alec of how he helplessly stood there, unveiling his deepest insecurities, no filter protecting him, while she went on to manipulate and twist his words. By the end of his speech, he is now openly sobbing against Alec. <em> The night has certainly taken a turn for the worse</em>, he thinks.</p><p>“That’s why you said it”, Alec whispers, as if talking to himself.</p><p>“Said what?”</p><p>“That you weren’t okay. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you admit that you’re anything less than perfect. I’ve always wanted you to share that side of yourself with me, but I always thought I wasn’t trusted enough or—”</p><p>“No, no that’s not it at all! Of course, I trust you”, Magnus practically yells. The last thing he wanted was for Alec to feel apprehensive.</p><p>He slowly forces himself to admit, “I’m just <em> so afraid </em> all the time.” He means to sound reassured, but the confession sneaks out like a hallowed whisper. “It’s so dreadful, having to live in constant fear. Every time you go out, every call I get, every emergency from the institute, and I hope, I <em> pray </em> that you’re okay.”</p><p>Alec makes a small, wounded noise.</p><p>“I don’t want to ruin the remainder of our time with these thoughts”, Magnus continues. “That’s why I never talk about it.” He turns around slowly, now facing Alec. The sadness on his face is reflected on Alec’s.</p><p>“How am I supposed to go on with the rest of our lives, knowing that I will lose you someday", Magnus asks, exasperated. His tear-stained face and red, hollow eyes bore into Alec's desperately.</p><p>"Oh Magnus", Alec sighs, softly cupping Magnus's face. "There isn't any shame in holding onto grief. But you're one of the strongest people I know, and you will continue on your journey. For the both of us."</p><p>“That doesn’t make me feel any better”, Magnus mumbles.</p><p>Despite the despondent mood, Alec chuckles a little. “You don’t understand. It’s occurred to me on several occasions that this wasn’t everlasting either. But I’ve come to terms with it. Because I’m never truly going to leave you. As long as you continue to cherish and love my memory which I have no doubt you will. Life has to end. Love doesn’t.”</p><p>Time was Magnus’s greatest enemy. Time took away everything but him. It was mocking, frustrating to no end. But right now, after being alive for more than four centuries, Magnus heard Alec and didn’t care about time anymore.</p><p><em> Life has to end. Love doesn’t. </em> It really was as simple as that, wasn’t it? All this worrying complicated it so much. Alec had broken it down to the simplest terms for him, and Magnus was eternally grateful.</p><p>He slowly closed the distance between them, sighing softly as their lips met in a slow kiss. It was one they had shared many times before. It spoke of quiet reassurances and endless support. “I love you”, he said, when he broke apart. Neither of them chose to increase the distance and instead leaned their foreheads against each other.</p><p>“I love you too”, Alec replied. “So much.”</p><p>Perhaps there was going to be a day when Alec would leave Magnus. The day when the song they sing together would end. But the melody would linger on. There was no reason to be afraid, because the memories, the honesty, and the love would remain with him forevermore. And Magnus would rejoice in it.</p><p>“Just hold onto me?”, he asked quietly.</p><p>“Always, Magnus. Always.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and kudos are appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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